3 Reasons to Stop Comparing Your Relationship to Couples on Social Media
All of us have been there. While killing time on Instagram, you notice that someone just shared a photo of a #gorgeouscouple. Whether it’s a heartfelt anniversary post, highlights from a memorable vacation, or a fun weekend activity (this time of year, I’m looking at you, apple picking), it has a ton of likes and all your friends are commenting with the hashtags “goals,” “3,” and “*row of heart-eye emojis.”
If you’re anything like me, you might add those kind remarks because there’s nothing wrong with admiring someone else’s happiness. But you might also experience a slight sinking feeling after witnessing this manifestation of complete bliss. If you’re dating someone, you might start to consider: The problem is, the minute you see those smiling faces, you’re starting to make comparisons. Here are three reasons why you shouldn’t.
1. Like anything else online, you’re only seeing what they want you to see.
This point, I feel, has been made before, ever since the early 2010s, when apps like Snapchat and Instagram became immensely popular, but it bears repeating here. While you are aware of every up and down in your own life, on social media you are only exposed to the highlights. Everyone aspires to appear joyful. Nobody shares tales of the arguments they had two minutes before or after the ideal golden hour picture was taken. Nobody discusses the days that don’t go as expected. Even when we don’t agree with our partner, it’s simpler than ever to manipulate how our friends and followers see us and to act as though everything is fine.
2. #RelationshipGoals? Or… #RelationshipInsecurities?
It’s simple to fall into the trap of believing that happy couples’ everyday lives are just as wonderful as what they share online if you see them everywhere. You might feel under pressure to maintain your relationship even if it isn’t “happy” as a result.
Ironically, striving for perfection all the time may make you feel even less content with what you have. Even if your problems aren’t that serious, they can make you feel like your relationship is over.
As an alternative, you might experience increased pressure to continue a toxic and problematic relationship out of a concern for upsetting your loved ones—including, yes, even your social media followers. Those hearts and likes are sneaky little dopamine injections. You don’t want to lose something that has given you so much praise and make yourself look like a failure.
These unhealth expectations can be crippling no matter which direction you turn.
3. You’re doing your own, beautiful thing.
And you (and your partner) deserve to be validated for *that*, not for fitting into someone else’s standards or the ones you see established on social media.
No two relationships will look exactly the same, because they involve different people. Any aspect of our lives that we compare to what we perceive of others’ lives will leave us disappointed. Even though there isn’t a set timeline for everyone, feeling like you’re falling behind can cause stress and anxiety. And they can seriously harm our most crucial relationships if these worries and uncertainties creep in.
Social media is fantastic for keeping in touch with loved ones, but it can also breed harmfully irrational expectations.